When I saw that the stupid whore Anne Curry was filling in for Matt this morning I just knew I should have gotten back in bed and slept until tomorrow. Maybe it was the fact that I drank far too much last night or maybe it really was because my lover decided to take the morning off, whatever the case may be today was not one of the best.
I work with a lot of funny people. Most of the time they are not funny "ha ha" though. Today, however, was an exception. I work with a lot of chicks. I mean A LOT. The estrogen in the office is out. of. control. There are some scary sad hilarious moments like when someone brings in a baby... imagine starving a great white shark of any nourishment until it is on the edge of death then throwing a scrumptious whale for him to feast on. And then there are days when I just stand there, look around thinking to myself "What the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck is going on?"
Everyday between the hours of 11 and 2, all these broads gather in the break room and watch their "stories." It is packed. Everyone takes their lunch break at the same time everyday so as not to miss a minute of their beloved Bold and the Beautiful or whatever one they have been watching since before I was born. Unless you are willing to give your first born as an offering, you had better be damn sure that you don't make a sound (this includes, but is not limited to: coughing, sneezing, laughing, talking, running the sink) when stepping foot into this threshold. A scary majority of these women think the break room was put there solely for their individual use so they treat it like it is their home...
As I'm sure you can imagine, things around the office can get a little catty... and even more passive aggressive. There are a few women who secretly put signs up in the break room in an attempt to will you into doing whatever it is they want. These signs are brilliant. Every time I walk in and see a new one it's like a gift wrapped present just for me. It always causes a stir and hilarity, without a doubt, always ensues. Would you like to see all of these signs? Well OF COURSE you would:
|I'm assuming this is where it all began... innocently enough with a professional sign.|
|Keeping it polite... for now. The sign lady still says thanks.|
|The bullets, bold font and underlining shows this cat means business.|
|Up top it says "It can start a fire." It's all about safety here, folks.|
|This one talks about fairies. No. I can't take it seriously when it's next to a silly cartoon.|
|The newest one: in italics "Otherwise, you can clean up your own mess"|
|Yes. On both of the microwaves in case you didn't see one...|
That's it for now. I watched this video to make sure it was legit. I don't know if I can adequately describe how much I wish Donna Summers would follow ME around and sing this song. The woman in this video doesn't know just how lucky she is...