Monday, November 7, 2011

it's back again

Hidy ho boys and girls.

Lots of things have changed since we last spoke. I reckon we should start at the beginning.

In July I decided that I would be moving to Nashville by the start of the new year. Luckily enough, it happened sooner than I was expecting and with a lot less hassle. I got an interview in mid - September at a local company in a small town outside of Nashville. I was convinced that I wasn't going to get it but seven days later they called and offered me a muuuuuch better job for muuuuuuch better money. I took a week of vacation to come up to the 615 to take a drug test and fill out some more paperwork. In that time I did a lot - and I mean A FUCKING LOT of pinning {if you haven't heard of pinterest, get on that shit and get on it now}. I went to Knoxville for a UT game that was wonderful and embarrassing all at the same time then I be-bopped my way back to Memphis to turn in my two weeks notice and start packing.

Best news ever? I didn't have to work out my two weeks. I got a three week vacation and it was horrrrrrrrible. And I'm not kidding. Don't get me wrong. I don't particularly like working. I hate getting up in the morning and working until five? Laaaame. The only thing worse than working 8 - 5 is not working. Ever. For three mother fucking months. I mean, sure I could have spent that time packing or doing something with my life but I didn't. I hate packing with an unbridled passion. The only thing{s} that come close to how much I hate packing are unpacking. And Ann Curry.

I made it up to Nashville October 25 - the weekend before Halloween. Great idea? Not. At. All. I crashed a Hallo-wine and cheese party {punny, right?!} at my friends apartment complex. Hangover #1. Then Halloween weekend happpened. I went as a dirt ball because um... it's easy. And comfortable. And not slutty. And I get to wear a mullet wig. Basically? A typical Saturday night. Halloween was haggard. The next morning I woke up completely confused by my surroundings. At which point I realized I had lost both my cell phone AND my debit card. Needless to say I was ready to pack my damn bags and move back to Memphis. Then the strangest thing happened. The cab driver who had allegedly driven me home said he had my cell phone and I could get it. Then my debit card was found safe and sound outside my friends stairwell. Maybe Nashville won't be getting the best of me? She said dooming the next weekend.

This past weekend fucked me in the ass. With no lube. I won't get into the deets because I might cry. Suffice it to say, it's a miracle I survived. A legit goddamn miracle.

My new job is... well, a new job. I have subordinateS. Yup. That's a plural. I'm all boss like and shit. The town is hilarious. I mean, like I hear banjos playing in the woods every morning on my way to work and I dodge the wild turkey and deer. Half of that last sentence is true. I'll let you guess which half. I have a feeling that a lot of my future blog posts are going to be about these wonderful backwoods people.

That's it for now, ladies and gents. I promise to try to be better. I know I've said that 100x. But now that I live in the boonies it's a lot more likely.