Thursday, October 28, 2010

Happy Thursday!

Happy Thursday, lovers!  I'm super excited for tonight... I'm carving my pumpkins.  I know that one of them will be the Power T {I have to represent} but the fate of the other one has yet to be determined.  My broseph is having a group of people over tonight for pumpkin carving and a cook out.  Broseph asked me to make a dip so I'm stealing another recipe from Natasha at A Day in the Life.  {That reminds me... I need to post the recipe from my brunch.  You guys NEED to try it.}

Ok, here is what I plan on making tonight:

Buffalo Chicken Dip

1 pkg. (8 ounces) cream cheese, softened
1/2 cup crumbled shredded mozzarella cheese
1/2 cup ranch salad dressing
2 12.5 oz cans Swanson Chunk Chicken Breast in Water, drained
1/2 cup FRANK'S RedHot sauce
Celery, chips, and/or crackers

Preheat oven to 350° F
Stir cream cheese in a pie plate with a fork or whisk until it's smooth
Stir in the dressing, pepper sauce, and cheese; stir in the chicken
Bake for 20 minutes or until the chicken mixture is hot and bubbling
Serve with vegetables and/or chips and crackers for dipping
I may even make some caramel covered apples because I spoil my brother.
Now... I need ideas for my pumpkins.  Help, please?

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

You can be my study buddy.

I have given you silly people several reasons to not follow me.  My lack of attention as of late should be reason enough but if you're still around, amigos, please forgive me for what I'm about to tell you.  You know I'm a douche.  {On the off chance you need a reminder, see here.}  You know I listen to awesomely bad music.  But today?  Today I listened to O-Town.  Do you know who they are?  Probably not. You're probably way cooler than me.  This stupid band was formed by the big ol' perv Lou Pearlman on MTV's Making the Band.  I loved this show.  It was my first taste of reality tv.  I became obsessed.  I bought their cd and had it well into high school.  Maybe even college.  I remember the day it broke.  Annafer and I were riding around in her impala and some how it got shattered in her middle console.  We looked at each other and didn't speak for a solid five minutes.  Tragic day.  Anyway, I listened to their jam "All Or Nothing."  Not once, not twice but three times.  IN A ROW.  Had I been by myself I would have sang it at the top of my lungs.  Instead I sang it at a normal octave and I used my pen as a microphone.  My co-workers are some lucky mother fuckers.

Speaking of lucky assholes, I am one.  Want to know why?  In addition to seeing the Griz play {aside from the fact it was a horribly coached game} I got to see some of my favorite things.  The Grannies and the Grandpas.  If you haven't seen these little bundles of joy you are missing out.  They are all old.  And they ALL came to get down.  They have choreographed dances and - let me tell you, they shakes their old bodies like it's nobody's business.  Each and every granny and grandpa is better than the actual griz girls.  I want to put on old face and try out for the team.  {Tonight they danced to Pretty Boy Swag - loooooooove.}  THEN there was Lil P-Nut.  I will show you him because I can't describe him without doing him injustice.

His jerry curl makes my heart skip a beat.

Top to it off I got to see two of my lovers. The first one is just adorable. I want to love him and hug him and let him tell me all of his problems. Then I'll buy him a milkshake and comb his hair while he drinks it.

Sigh. This is Rudy Gay, fyi. I love him. I love him so much. Now for the one that really, really makes me happy:

Now this Iranian love bucket, Hamed Haddadi stands at a whopping 7'2".  Shut the fuck up.  I need to know how big he was at birth.  In my head, he was about 4 feet long.  I'm 5'5" - 5'10" on a good day {I wear very sensible shoes, clearly}.  I want to stand next to him all the time.  I want him to be my hairy lover because 1. He probably doesn't speak much English {again, this could be totally wrong but this is what's happening in my head.} 2. He drives a smart car.  This one I'm not 100% sure I'm making up.  Either it was a joke skit the Griz put on last year, I dreamed it or it is actually true... I'm talking one of those european smart cars that I'm too tall for.  HIS BODY IS LONGER THAN IT.  Bahahaha.  I love him.

My Octoberfest is telling me to go to bed.  Tomorrow's Thursday?  It's only THURSDAY?!  Goodnight.  Sweet dreams of me marrying Haddadi.  {We would have our first dance to Lil-P-Nut's song.}

30 Day Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: Something you're looking forward to

  1. The weekend
  2. Halloween parties
  3. Tamara from Tampa and all my other friends coming in town
  4. UT vs Memphis game
  5. Another party at my house
  6. Thanksgiving
  7. My vacation time
  8. Cold weather
  9. Possibly going to a Colts game with my pops
  10. Drum roll pleaaaase:  GRIZZLIES GAMES!  Season opener tonight, bitches.  BOOM.

30 Day Challenge: Day 16

Day 16:  Dream House

Did you pee your pants a little bit?  Because I definitely just did.  The thought of me being in charge of anything is hilarious.  The thought of me being president, however, is fucking brilliant.  I'd force all the world leaders to watch Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.  Then we'd have a meeting about how brilliantly creepy the movie is, we'd discuss the possibilities of peace whilst being served Octoberfest {which will be served year-round} by my own oopma-loompas.  Now if that doesn't scream world peace then I don't know what does.

30 Day Challenge: Day 15

Day 15:  Favorite Bible Verse

"Be excellent to each other."

What's that?  That's not in your bible?  Well, dear friend, it's totes in mine.

30 Day Challenge: Day 14

Day 14: A Picture you love

This is my daughter.  Slash my homegirl Shana's daughter who I've taken under my wing.  This a picture of her at this year's Pride Parade in midtown.  She was so excited to be there.  Brea was literally shaking she was so amped about all the "princesses" and the loud music.  The free candy probably didn't hurt.  Then Baby B got two new friends, Cher and X-tina and she about lost it.

All I know is that she is one dope-ass 4 year old and she makes me so happy.

I'm alive.

Did I trick you guys into thinking that me and my whole family died as a result of my cooking brunch?  I hope that's not what you thought... we all survived.  The brunch was delicious.  Like magically delicious.  Everyone took home a little extra for afternoon snacks.  Except for my broseph.  He showed up a fashionable two hours late.  Thanks, ass.  Pictures are to come but I still haven't bought a camera cord because I suck.  At life.

Speaking of, I'm keeping this post super short because I have to get ready for the GRIZZLIES OPENING GAME!  Hells yes.  I love the Grizz.  And I love free tickets from work.  I should be home in time for some alcohol induced posting.  Love you bitches.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day 13

Day 13:  Goals

I've covered my long term goals in one of my first posts.  See here.  So today... slash tomorrow... my goal is to successfully cook brunch for my mom, dad, brother and {hopefully} Gracie.  Let me be clear - by "successfully cook brunch" what I really mean is this: 
1.  Cook brunch without having to call the fire department.
2.  Have my guests eat it even if it's horrible.
3.  Have my guests survive, not only throughout the meal but throughout the WHOLE day.  I don't want them to die because of my desire to be Susie Homemaker.

I got my ever so yummy recipe from Natasha over at A Day in the Life.  Check her out.  She is simply adorable and has some really fun posts!  Anyway, my goal for tomorrow is... drum roll please... Blueberry Pecan French Toast.  It seems relatively easy.  I may have just jinxed myself.  But things have not started out so well seeing as I just returned home from the grocery store and realized I forgot the blueberries.  Smooooth, Shannon, very smooth.

I hope all of you are out enjoying this beautiful fall day. Love you, bitches.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I'm a weirdo.

This week has been ridiculously long.  I knew it was going to be a long week when I thought it was Wednesday.  On Monday.  Never, never, never a good sign.

I'm a creep.  You probably know this by now.  Sometimes I forget about how creepy I am.  I say really weird things to people that I shouldn't say them to.  I do really weird things.  I sometimes catch myself staring at people and I don't know how long I've been looking at them or why I looked at them in the first place.  I have this obsession with celebrity gossip.  That in and of itself is not too odd.  But today?  Today I crossed a line and I'm not entirely sure where to go from here.  I was talking to one of my co-workers today  and somehow Brett Favre became the topic of conversation.  {If you live under a rock haven't watched the news recently, it's come out that he sent some picture texts of his pecker to some chick.  Silly, Brett.}  Anyway, pretty boy's sexts have allegedly been leaked.  I convinced myself that I needed to find them.  Why?  I'm a perv.  I'm a sexual deviant.  Say what you will... Brett Favre is a silver fox.  He may be an overly emotional, wishy-washy crybaby but he is also smoookin' hot.  I found them.  I found the pictures.  Agh.  I didn't know what to do.  Slash, as soon as I found these pictures I went and showed not one but two co-workers. .... ... ... I still don't know what to say... ... ... Maybe if I had been impressed I would not be so weirded out that I took a solid 10 minutes out of my day to find these lack luster penile pics.  {Side bar: if you are as perverse as I am, the pictures can be found at Perez Hilton's nasty site:  Be warned... this place is dirt.

To reward myself for my hard work today, I went and got a pedicure at Nails by Nicole.  Heaven.  It was heeeeeeaven.  I went with OPI Merry Midnight.  It's beautiful, no?

That's it for tonight... until tomorrow, lovers.

30 Day Challenge: Day Eleven

Day Eleven:  Favorite TV Shows

I'm a very lucky girl and my life lacks drama.  It's because of this that I have a deep love for any/all reality tv.  The people on these shows are absurd.  Name a reality show that focuses on how crazy people are {Hoarders, Jersey Shore, Teen Mom} and I could list thousands of reasons why I adore these characters.

I cannot say no to any episode of Law & Order... SVU in particular.  I have the hots for Stabler.  He's pretty much my boyfriend.  I like Criminal Minds but it gives me nightmares.  My favorite show, hands down, is Modern Family.  I love every single person on this show.  I can't think of an episode that has disappointed me.  I knew I was going to be obsessed from the very first episode.  In case you missed it, here's the exact moment I fell in love:

30 Day Challenge: Day Ten

Day Ten:  Something You're Afraid Of

I'm afraid only afraid of a few serious things.  But those things are boring.  I have quite the lengthy list of things completely irrational things that scare me - so let's go over those.  These are in no particular order...
  • Moths
  • The dark
  • Open doors and/or cabinets
  • Clowns
  • Midgets {I know.  I'm super politically correct.}
  • Motorcycles
  • Roaches
  • Flying roaches
  • Long pinkie nails
  • Men with sandals
  • Getting wrinkles
  • Large, loud crowds
  • Walking into glass windows/doors.
That's enough for now.  Love you, bitches.

30 Day Challenge: Day Nine

Day Nine: A Picture of Your Friends

Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I don't know what has been wrong with me lately.  Either wonderful things haven't been happening in my life {highly unlikely} or I just haven't been paying attention to the hilarity that is my everyday life {much more feasible}.  And while there have been days where I enjoy the 30 Day Challenge, it's proven to be quite a cop-out for my usual posts.

Work update:  Snooze.  More snooze. Eye candy.  Oooooh yeah.  So we hired this new fella.  He lives down in Texas.  I will call him Dallas.  Dallas is so pretty.  Ok.  He might not be that good looking.  Maybe my hormones are on overdrive.  {Hint:  THEY ARE}  Before Dallas came to town, hmmm, let's just say the male specimen have left a little to be desired.  Poor Dallas... I'm sure he didn't know that we would treat him like a piece of meat.  So, PRO: He's a refreshing hottie CON: He speaks with a Northern accent.  I am not, I repeat NOT, down with the accent.  There's something super charming about a man with a southern drawl.  Moral of this story:  Men should be seen and not heard. HAHA.  Sexism makes me giggle.

I must be doing something pleasing to the higher powers.  Either that or somebody just really loves me.  Not one but TWO foreigners came in today.  My hormones and affinity for foreigners probably played into my extreme attraction to these love buckets.  Whatever the case may be, I fell in love.  Twice.  I couldn't place where their accent originated from... I'm fairly certain these boys were straight from heaven.

Life update:  A lot has been going on for my extended family.  I have two pregnant cousins.  Yay for them.  Double yay it's not me.  Two different cousins are engaged.  Again, yay for them - double yay it's not me.  The only problem with this second bit of information is that they are younger than me.  Let me stress that this is not a problem for me.  At all.  AT ALL.  My mother, on the other hand, has been sent into a tizzy.  I would like to think she knows that I am not a le-bo.  I would like to think that I don't give off the vibes I'm playing for the other team.  But, given recent events, I feel like my mother is beginning to worry about my ability and willingness to land a man and procreate.  I've tried telling her that I can't keep plants alive - let alone a real live animal / human being.

Speaking of my future as a cat lady, I've decided to practice this look out on Halloween.  I'm not one of those girls that thinks Halloween means you have to be a whore.  And I don't like scary things.  So this year I'm going as a cat lady.  Consider it practice for my inevitable future.  As I was sitting at my desk thinking about what I could wear I realized that everything that was crossing my mind {ugly house shoes, a big bath robe, leggings, etc} are currently in my closet.  Ew.  I need to re-evaluate my life.  Stat.  The only thing I need is a cat.  Gracie suggested that I take Pretty Ricky {her cat} and keep him in my purse.  While a live prop would be pretty dope, I would fear for his life since cats apparently can't be kept on leashes.

I've been cooped up for far too long this week.  Time to boogie down the road for a bev... maybe I'll be back in time to catch up on the le challenge.  If tonight's song doesn't make you want to shake what your momma gave you... well, I just don't even know what to say.  Love you bitches.

Monday, October 18, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day Osem

Day Osem:  A Place You've Traveled To

I haven't been so lucky to have traveled outside of the good ol' U.S. of A... yet.  So today I'm going to treat you with the story of my trip to outer space.  Are you excited to see how the aliens live?  I bet you arrrrrrrrrrre!

As I mentioned here, I recently went on a day-cation to the mystical land of Hernando, MS.  I say it's mystical because I understand very little about this place.  For instance, why would you want to live in a town that doesn't have substantial shopping, or at least a Target?  {I'm sure you're thinking this is quite shallow but, my loves, I'm merely saving the economy one dress at a time.  You're welcome, America.}  I understand the allure of small town life.  Iuka, MS holds a very special place in my heart.  But, much like babies, I can only take it in moderation.  Moving on...

Hernando is about 45 minutes away.  Not too far considering it is, indeed, a whole different planet.  {Eat your heart out, NASA.}  With Gracie at the wheel, we were on our way for a beautiful - yet seasonably warm - fall day.  Forty - five minutes, several questionable turns and a lot of laughter later, we finally arrived at Cedar Hill Farms.  We pulled up onto a two lane gravel road and hit a little traffic jam.  Because SOMEBODY hit a tree.  Seriously.  After being directed by a chubby little ginger boy scout who was not having a good time, we made our way up to our destination.  I'll let the pictures do most of the talking from here on out...

Welcome to outer space.

In outer space, they grow gourds.

In outer space, they grow LOTS of gourds.

In outer space, they also grow corn.

In outer space, pumpkins smile.

In outer space, Grace thinks she is taller than she actually is.

In outer space, Terror is relative.

In outer space, I'm an OWL.

In outer space, Grace is a rabbit

In outer space, the restroom situation is questionable.

In outer space, they have alien ponies.
They have the fuzz in outer space.
In outer space, women can't drive and hit trees.

Goodbye far away land!
I'm adding a little tune for your listening pleasure this evening.  It seemed quite fitting.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day Zes AND Pito

Day Zes:  A picture of something the makes you happy

Essentially every picture I post makes me happy in some way, shape, or form.  I'm so in love with everyone/thing in my life this is particularly hard for me to choose.  So I'm going to throw it old school really quick.  I'm cheating and choosing two.

Family time at Cool Beans
Tamara and me on the Late Nite T

These are some of my best friends from college.  We had a ridiculously good time.  They are some of the best people I've ever met ANNNND Tamara {in the bottom picture} will be coming to see me in November for the UT vs Memphis game!  I haven't seen her in years and I cannot explain to you my excitement.

moving on....

Day Pito:  Favorite Movie

I like lots of movies.  This day kind of bores me.  I'd rather read a book than watch a movie... unless it's a lifetime movie.  I love the bad acting.  I love the terrible story lines.  They are ridiculous and bring great joy to my heart.

Friday, October 15, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day Five

Day Five: Your Siblings

I have an older bro and a younger sister.  We are all funny.  I think I'm the funniest.  But that's because I think I'm the funniest person alive.  These two chillrens give me a solid run for my money.  Pat {who will be referred to as Broseph in all my following posts} is my older brother.  He's hilarious.  I have never met anyone who didn't love him.  We get along quite well - except when he doesn't answer my phone calls.

Casey.  Well... she's my sister.  I wouldn't say we get along really.  Ok, so we don't get along at all.  We're trying though.  So that has to count?

In related news, Thanksgiving is coming up.  This means that ALL of my family {both sides} will be in town.  What I'm trying to tell you, fellow Memphians, is beware.  We will be wreaking havoc on the streets of Memphis.

I feel like I should introduce to you the other members of the family. I went to my mom's facebook page to look for pictures of us kids and she has more of these two little fuckers than she does of the kids she birthed.  Nice priorities, Les.

This is Rocky.  I think he was named after Rocky from 3 Ninjas but I will always call him Rocky Top because that makes me love him more.  He's the youngest.  Rocky likes long walks on the beach and playing with his rope toys.  He is not good at sharing and has serious emotional problems... probably because his brother is the favorite.  Well, it also could be because he is in love with his brother and tries to "marry him" {the sweet way Grace refers to boy dogs humping things}.

This little charmer is Ziggy {aka Ziggy-mon, Zigger, Jaberwocky, etc}.  He is my parents favorite child. And, without a doubt, my favorite member of the family.  Zig thinks he's a person.  I'm fairly certain he was a president in a past life.  Ziggy enjoys alone time with any member of the family.  Except Rocky.  He likes to snuggle and get slobber all over you.  Ziggy is a huge fan of shaking hands... how else would a former president act?

30 Day Challenge: Day Quattor

Day Quattor:  Your Parents

I have two wonderful parents.  They are mildly insane, wildly bizarre and absolutely wonderful.  Moms and pops {a.k.a. Les and Ricky-poo} have been married for 27 years.  Yowza.  That's a long time.  I don't know how they've lasted that long... I adore them both but they are crazy.  And really annoying, at times.  I'm a perfect mix of the two of them.  I have my mother's strong will and stubborn-ass attitude.  I have my father's sense of humor.  I have both of their dance moves.  Thankfully, I have the mailman's nose.

So cute.  I love them.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

30 Day Challenge: Day Tatu

Day Tatu: First Love
{Tatu = Swahili for 3}

Let's be clear about this.  My first real life love were worms.  I loved everything about those creepy, crawly little buggers.  Like I've told you before, I was a weiiiiiiiird, weird kid.

My first human love, I'm talking head over heels, kind of makes you want to hurl love was Nicholas.  {Don't tell Jonathan Taylor Thomas or Leonardo DiCaprio about this... they are likely to be devastated.}  We met at a very strange time in my life.  College.  Freshman year.  At the Delt house.  I was drunk for the whole first two-ish years of our bizarre relationship.  It was on again.  It was off again a lot.  There were very few healthy aspects to what we had but I loved it.  To say our relationship was volatile would be like saying Lindsey Lohan dabbles with drugs.  While it was/is very obvious, it is also a tragic understatement.  We fought ALL. THE. TIME.  Big fights.  Little fights.  You name it.  We did it.  I was convinced Nicholas wasn't treating me like he should be but it went both ways.  I was crazy about this boy.  {Ha, boy.  He used to get SO mad when I didn't call him a man.}  Literally.  I had never / have never / hopefully will never act like I did with him to anyone else in the world.  I was quite whore-id.  Emphasis on whore, obvi.

Nick is great.  And I am, obviously, fantastic.  But together?  Not so much.  All of my friends would tell me this.  A lot of his friends would tell me this.  There was a very intense pull between us.  I couldn't stay away from him too long.  I can't tell you how many times I cried because he hurt my feelings or how many times I deleted his number from my phone {even though I had it memorized}.  I swore him off on at least a monthly basis.

It wasn't all bad, though.  Nicholas and I invented day-ghts.  What is this, you ask?  It's quite simple.  It's an all day date.  We would go to Whole Foods - that's not the name of it up in Knoxville, but I can't seem to think of the real name.  He'd grocery shop for hours.  I'd walk around people watching, then we'd go get something to eat and head home to watch a documentary.  The documentary was his choice, not mine.  It would always be about something that bored me to fucking tears.  Occasionally he'd let me watch my tv shows.  I'm sure he hated it just as much as I did watching things about how the Earth rotating.... zzzzzz.   Sorry, I fell asleep at the mere thought of those shows.  The sweetness would last a few days, then we'd get drunk and all hell would break loose.  I'm leaving out a lot of the embarrassing things we used to do {silly/sweet embarrassing} because I know he reads this and I know people that know him read this and he would lose all street cred if people knew he wasn't the ass he tries to come off as.

But Nick was there for me through a lot.  A LOT.  We still talk every now and then but it's weird to not be as close as we used to be.  For me, anyway.  It's crazy how it's been years since I've seen him and he still knows me better than almost anyone.  It's scary, actually.  Regardless of everything we put each other through, I will always love him.  I miss him and I miss his family {Big Al in particular.  Big is what a man should be... maybe we'll talk about that more another day}.  Since I've moved back to Memphis, Nicholas and I have time to reflect and apologize to each other for being so bad to one another.  He's come to realize that you can't do what he did to me and expect anyone to stick around.  I've realized the same thing.  Growing apart hurts.  Growing up, on the other hand, makes it somehow worthwhile.  Writing this post made my heart a little sad.

Side bar:  After originally posting this, I went through and read some of the blogs posted by other people doing the challenge.  I went through the first TWENTY and had to stop.  Am I really one of the only ones NOT saying J to the Esus or my dad or babies?!?!  Yowza.  I may be in with the wrong crowd.

30 Day Challenge: Day Due

Day Due:  Meaning Behind Your Blog Name

If you only knew how long it took me to come up with a suitable name for this silly little blog.  My blog would have started days - nay, weeks - earlier had I been more creative.  I struggled between making it something raunchy {because, let's face it folks - I'm pretty demented} and making it something suitable for the eyes of young ones.  Then, while rocking out to some Huey Lewis and the News one day at work - it hit me.  Hip to be square had to be somewhere in my title.  Because I'm totally a square.  I exemplify all that is nerdy.  So that {along with my initials "SMO"} is what shows in the link.  THEN blogger told me I needed to have a TITLE, too?  I knew at this point that I was probably in over my head.  This took another week.  And thanks to my homegirl, Gracie, Think Like Me came to be.  I feel like I should put a disclaimer on it though... at no point in time should you ever adopt a mindset like mine.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

30 Day Journey: Day Un.

I've decided to do this 30 day challenge I found through Candice's blog.  As I'm sure you can tell, I've been struggling with the day to day ones... maybe this will keep me motivated.

Day one:  Share a recent picture & 15 interesting facts

un:  I hate having my picture taken.  That would be why there isn't a recent one... of me.  I googled "Shannon O'Leary" and Bill & Ted popped up.  You're welcome.  Plus I lost my camera cord... {see previous post} so you really aren't getting a recent one until I find it.  I'm not big into taking pictures, either.  I think I just forget about it.

deux:  The mere thought that I might be late for something throws me into a panic.  I can't stand it.  Except for work.  I just don't care if I'm late for work.  I HATE it when people are habitually late.  It's ruuuuuuuuuuude.

trois:  Every morning I check the same four websites.  CNN, Huffington Post, Commercial Appeal and Perez Hilton.  If these websites are down my day is thrown off completely.

quatre:  Though I've only been blogging for a few months now, I am completely and utterly obsessed.  I think about posts all day long.  I write down ideas for future posts.  I talk about it to anyone who will listen.  I need therapy.

cinq:  I just started getting along with my family about 2.5 years ago.  Now I can't go a day without talking to my mom or a week without talking to my dad.

six:  I had to google how to count to fifteen in French.  It kind of makes me angry that the number 6 is the same in English as it is in French.  Rational anger, no?

sept:  I participated in my first 5k mid-September.  I just found out a week or so ago I won for my age group!  I'm doing another one in December.  I'll post more deets on that later.

huit:  I'm really bad about starting things {i.e. books} and not finishing them.  I'm currently reading 4.  It's ridiculous, I know.

neuf:  I go through cell phones like whoa.  I have had about a million.  Then I got my Droid and it changed my liiiiiife.  I am obsessively checking facebook, twitter, textsfromlastnight, blogger, etc.  I really need therapy.

dix:  I have really bad road rage.  I cannot control my anger and rage whilst behind the wheel.

onze:  I love hot sauce.  Franks hot sauce, to be precise.  I literally put that shiz on everything.

douze:  I find myself sitting at my desk and just chuckling.  I don't know why.  And I can rarely remember what made me laugh in the first place... the people at work must think I'm completely crazy.  They are aren't too far off, I suppose.

treize:  Pants are my least favorite thing to wear.  Unless they are jeggings.  I'm completely obsessed with jeggings.  They are perfect.

quatorze:  I can't dance or sing to save my life.  I'm so bad at both it is hilarious.  That being said, when I'm at home alone and/or in my car {others are allowed to be present for this disaster} I break it down.  Breeeeeak it doooooooooooooooooooown.

quinze:  I strongly dislike it when people talk badly about Memphis.  It lights a fire deep down in my heart and makes me want to go all Momma Bear to protect my cub.  I used to be guilty of hating on the 901 but I'm in love with it now.  I want to make out with Memphis.  I want to make babies with Memphis.  Except for Cordova.  Cordova is lame.

Monday, October 11, 2010

The cockroach

Oh my dearest friends... I have some tragic news.  After {literally} tearing apart my entire {for reals} house I have come to the realization that my camera USB cord has met the same fate as my original camera charger.  It has run away.  Probably to a better home where it's mother takes care of it, uses it on a daily basis.. ya know, the usual.  What this means is I'm not going to be able to post my outer space pictures.  I know.  I promised.  But I lied.

To make up for the lack of fall-y pictures, I will be sharing more painfully adorable pictures of me as a child.  But that will come later.  

Yesterday I went over to my parents house for family dinner.  It was my favorite kind of family dinner because I was the only child in attendance.  Know what that means?  ALL of the attention to myself.  As a middle child, this is what I imagine heaven to be like.  Or so I thought... I got over there around 4:30.  My mom had tried to talk me into going to church with her.  She thinks I need more Jesus in my life, I'm assuming.  I may have broken her heart a little when I told her it bores me... and when I called her a silly Catholic.  {Mental note: learn to censor yourself around mother.}  Anyway, Les was out praying that I don't encounter eternal damnation while Ricky-poo was praying the football gods.  I sat and talked with him for a little bit when he looked at me and said "Wow.  You look really smart today."  I'm assuming this means he noticed I was wearing glasses.  Now, I don't wear them all the time but I feel like he should know that his favorite daughter wears glasses from time to time.  He asks me if they are real, doesn't believe me when I assure him they are and then talks about how much smarter they make me look.  When I ask him what I look like typically he scoffs and says "...well, not that smart."  Thanks, pops.

Mom comes home and cooks a delicious meal; we dine; then I go look at some family pictures.  I must say that I have a really good looking family.  My younger sister and I went through a disturbingly long awkward phase.  Les wouldn't let me scan any pictures of the sister - which is quite unfortunate because I found some real gems.  Imagine this:  Macgyver mullet on a girl child.  It is nothing short of hilarious.

Proof of my short lived tap dancing career.
I've never been a graceful person.  My tap career suffered because of this and because of my lack of rhythm.  I promise my parents didn't abuse me.  Those bruises were probably self inflicted.  What were not self inflicted were my flesh eater teeth.  They are gross.  I wish I could go through and photoshop a pretty pair of choppers in place of these horrid little chiclets.

This is my aunt Laura and my cousin Morgan.  I promise she does have a face.  And I promise I was just as big of a brat as this picture would lead you to believe.

This is still my go-to picture face
I was reading a book probably to that little girl next to me.  She's my sister and at one time we got along.  

Look at how weird my brother is sitting.
First and foremost, those have got to be the cutest pigtails ever.  My mom saw this picture and started making fun of my crooked smile.  When I pointed out it was her fault {thanks, DNA} she quickly stopped laughing.

I'm going to assume this was a photo shoot between me and my dad.  I'm also going to assume they had locked me in my room for a week prior to this picture being taken because I was so clean.

Best Christmas presents ever.
I don't know what year this was taken all I know is that I distinctly remember getting all of these gifts.  This Barney Ruble car was a vain attempt at distracting me from the fact that I didn't have a Barbie power wheels.  My parents, being the geniuses they are, also gifted me with dress up clothing galore.  I still have this hat.  I wear it once a year so my mom won't throw it away.  It's still just as fancy.

More Shannon/Ricky photo shoot

Again with the cute pigtails
I guess my mom's go-to hair do for me was pigtails.  I'm impressed she could tame the fro at all.

The money shot.
Clearly the importance of sitting like a lady was instilled in me a young age.

Sweetest child ever.
My dad has always loved to take close ups.  I have always hated it.  This picture is also proof-positive that I perfected my "eat shit and die" look at a very young age.

I got kicked in the head by a donkey.  I refuse to believe I was actually cross eyed.

With a picture like this how can he possibly deny that I'm his favorite?!

I'm so cute I feel sorry for other kids.

Casey, Pat, me and Morg.
Whenever we take family pictures we are all making these faces.  Seriously.  Every single one of us.

I don't even know where to start with this one.  No, I didn't not have corn rows.  Yes, that is the Roadrunner getting chased.  Yes, I did have braces.  No, I don't still have the necklace.  Yes, I do still have the shirt.  And the earrings.  Puberty was not kind to me.  The invention of the hair straighter changed my life.  If I ever win any sort of award, the first two people I will thank are my orthodontist and Chi.

That's it for tonight, boys and girls.  Tonight's musical number was allegedly a favorite of mine in my younger years.  Enjoy.