Monday, October 11, 2010

The cockroach

Oh my dearest friends... I have some tragic news.  After {literally} tearing apart my entire {for reals} house I have come to the realization that my camera USB cord has met the same fate as my original camera charger.  It has run away.  Probably to a better home where it's mother takes care of it, uses it on a daily basis.. ya know, the usual.  What this means is I'm not going to be able to post my outer space pictures.  I know.  I promised.  But I lied.

To make up for the lack of fall-y pictures, I will be sharing more painfully adorable pictures of me as a child.  But that will come later.  

Yesterday I went over to my parents house for family dinner.  It was my favorite kind of family dinner because I was the only child in attendance.  Know what that means?  ALL of the attention to myself.  As a middle child, this is what I imagine heaven to be like.  Or so I thought... I got over there around 4:30.  My mom had tried to talk me into going to church with her.  She thinks I need more Jesus in my life, I'm assuming.  I may have broken her heart a little when I told her it bores me... and when I called her a silly Catholic.  {Mental note: learn to censor yourself around mother.}  Anyway, Les was out praying that I don't encounter eternal damnation while Ricky-poo was praying the football gods.  I sat and talked with him for a little bit when he looked at me and said "Wow.  You look really smart today."  I'm assuming this means he noticed I was wearing glasses.  Now, I don't wear them all the time but I feel like he should know that his favorite daughter wears glasses from time to time.  He asks me if they are real, doesn't believe me when I assure him they are and then talks about how much smarter they make me look.  When I ask him what I look like typically he scoffs and says "...well, not that smart."  Thanks, pops.

Mom comes home and cooks a delicious meal; we dine; then I go look at some family pictures.  I must say that I have a really good looking family.  My younger sister and I went through a disturbingly long awkward phase.  Les wouldn't let me scan any pictures of the sister - which is quite unfortunate because I found some real gems.  Imagine this:  Macgyver mullet on a girl child.  It is nothing short of hilarious.

Proof of my short lived tap dancing career.
I've never been a graceful person.  My tap career suffered because of this and because of my lack of rhythm.  I promise my parents didn't abuse me.  Those bruises were probably self inflicted.  What were not self inflicted were my flesh eater teeth.  They are gross.  I wish I could go through and photoshop a pretty pair of choppers in place of these horrid little chiclets.

This is my aunt Laura and my cousin Morgan.  I promise she does have a face.  And I promise I was just as big of a brat as this picture would lead you to believe.

This is still my go-to picture face
I was reading a book probably to that little girl next to me.  She's my sister and at one time we got along.  

Look at how weird my brother is sitting.
First and foremost, those have got to be the cutest pigtails ever.  My mom saw this picture and started making fun of my crooked smile.  When I pointed out it was her fault {thanks, DNA} she quickly stopped laughing.

I'm going to assume this was a photo shoot between me and my dad.  I'm also going to assume they had locked me in my room for a week prior to this picture being taken because I was so clean.

Best Christmas presents ever.
I don't know what year this was taken all I know is that I distinctly remember getting all of these gifts.  This Barney Ruble car was a vain attempt at distracting me from the fact that I didn't have a Barbie power wheels.  My parents, being the geniuses they are, also gifted me with dress up clothing galore.  I still have this hat.  I wear it once a year so my mom won't throw it away.  It's still just as fancy.

More Shannon/Ricky photo shoot

Again with the cute pigtails
I guess my mom's go-to hair do for me was pigtails.  I'm impressed she could tame the fro at all.

The money shot.
Clearly the importance of sitting like a lady was instilled in me a young age.

Sweetest child ever.
My dad has always loved to take close ups.  I have always hated it.  This picture is also proof-positive that I perfected my "eat shit and die" look at a very young age.

I got kicked in the head by a donkey.  I refuse to believe I was actually cross eyed.

With a picture like this how can he possibly deny that I'm his favorite?!

I'm so cute I feel sorry for other kids.

Casey, Pat, me and Morg.
Whenever we take family pictures we are all making these faces.  Seriously.  Every single one of us.

I don't even know where to start with this one.  No, I didn't not have corn rows.  Yes, that is the Roadrunner getting chased.  Yes, I did have braces.  No, I don't still have the necklace.  Yes, I do still have the shirt.  And the earrings.  Puberty was not kind to me.  The invention of the hair straighter changed my life.  If I ever win any sort of award, the first two people I will thank are my orthodontist and Chi.

That's it for tonight, boys and girls.  Tonight's musical number was allegedly a favorite of mine in my younger years.  Enjoy.


Raquel said...

I laughed the entire post. I'm from a family of silly catholics as well. When reed burst onto the scene, there was A LOT of praying happening.

Also, I loved who you would thank if you won an award. Without anti-frizz serum I'd be alone with sixty seven cats right now.

kLl said...

Somehow I didn't realize you have a sister. Just thought it was you and then bro.

Shannon said...

Raquel, I should mention that my parents also pray that I'm not playing for the other team. At least yours know that you're not gay.

Katie, there is another O'Leary. She went to UGA so we don't really like to talk about her. haha