Sunday, October 3, 2010

If I were on the Jersey Shore

There are a few things I'm vehemently against.  Socks with sandals, Gator fans, running out of toilet paper, Anne Coulter... to name a few.  But the thing that is currently on the tippity top of this list:  being sick on the weekends.  Obviously being sick ever isn't awesome but being sick on the weekend is worst joke ever. A head cold or something along those lines is something I cure with a little bit of whiskey.  No big deal.  But stomach bugs are horrid.  And disgusting.  And how I've spent the past 24+ hours of my life.

I missed going to see Dirty Dozen Brass Band.  I've been forced to stay inside and not enjoy this perfect fall weather.  I haven't felt like moving so I couldn't clean my house or do my laundry.  I couldn't wear my new boots or dress.  The only good thing that came from this illness is that I got to catch up on Jersey Shore.  I love these people.  I've never seen one group of people fight so much in my entire life.  I bet they smell like herpes.  But that doesn't stop me from wanting to befriend them.  Here is something I've had plenty of time to think about... today's post will be dedicated to my dreams of being an honorary guidette.

If I were on Jersey Shore
by Shannon

If I were on the Jersey Shore, I would kick out Ronnie and Sammi.  Let's be real with it.  Nobody likes them.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, Vinny, Pauly D, JWOWW, Snooki and I would all be fast friends if they could get past my pale skin and aversion to fist pumping.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, dance moves like "the sprinkler" and "the shopping cart" would become the new fist pumping.  They would become national sensations and would be featured in every music video for years to come.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, The Situation would learn the benefits of wrinkle cream, facial moisturizers and sun screen.  Looking old is not cool, Sitch.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, Vinny, Pauly D and I would create songs all day long.  It would go far beyond "It's t-shirt time."  We would sing about EVERYTHING.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, Irish Car Bombs would replace that silly concoction they make with watermelon.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, the term "you'se guy/all" would be banned.  They would learn to appreciate the all-encompassing "y'all."

If I were on the Jersey Shore, I would show them how ridiculous Ed Hardy looks.  We'd find more suitable attire for everyone.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, I would sit back and enjoy all of the fights they get into.  Once they pull out every weave in sight, I'd reiterate that fighting is silly and that they need to learn to use their words.

If I were on the Jersey Shore, and this one is the MOST important, I would insist that the show be filmed down south {preferably in the beautiful state of Tennessee} to prove that the Jersey Shore has nothing on the Dirty South.

Time to watch Extreme Home Makeover and cry, cry, cry.  Hope everyone has a great week.


Alethea Noble said...

Hope you are feeling better!! The Jersey/Memphis Shore would rock if you were on it... I would totally crash a few of your parties and help bring back "the sprinkler" and make LOTS of Irish Car Bombs (ohhh so yummie)!!

lauren said...

I would totally bust out the running man!!!!