Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Do NOT read this if you think I'm cool.

WARNING: If I have tricked you in any way, shape or form into thinking that I'm cool - albeit marginally - please skip over this post.  Forever.

I like myself.  I like myself a lot.  I think that I'm pretty awesome.  But I am not delusional.  I know that I'm pretty much the antithesis of cool.  I like lots of things that are fit for, say, teenagers?  Maybe even younger?  Since today has been particularly uneventful, I'm going to enlighten you as to why I'm a douche.  I call this list (feel free to judge the shiz out of me):

Why Shannon's a Douche
First Edition

  • I read and quickly became obsessed with the Twilight series.  True story.  I'm totally Team Edward.  Jacob is a joke. Werewolves aren't REAL and everyone knows it.

  • The CW.  Yes, this one is particularly hard to admit.  I haven't missed a day of Gossip Girl since it's inception.  And I have no plans of ever falling out of the loop.  Chuck Bass is the man of my dreams.  I think he's legal in real life so this is ok.  Right?  Don't worry... I'm not too proud to admit that I willingly watch both 90210 and One Tree Hill.

  • I'm fully aware that my obsession with this little love bucket may land me in the county jail.  But I'm not really sure that I care.  I love him.  I love his stupid hair and his sick dance moves.  I love that he's going through puberty.  Yeah... it may be weird that I know that but let's ignore it.  He's the modern day Hanson.  Do you think it's bizarre that all four of those fellas look strikingly like pre-pubescent little girls and/or underdeveloped lesbians?  Definitely not a coincidence.

  • Hello Kitty band aids.  First of all, Gracie tells me that band aids are for little kids.  Second of all, they are Hello Kitty.  Maybe I'm just mad that when I was younger we always had to have gross boy band-aids since my brother was a boy and my sister thought she was.  They really do make me feel better.  And by that I mean they make me smile... and make me question my maturity level.

That's all that I can think of for now.  You may have noticed this was only Edition one.  Don't you worry your pretty little faces... I will make it my duty to prove to you exactly why I am a douche.

I'm ready for bed.  It's 8:30.  Maybe I really am a little kid?

No comments: