Wednesday, September 29, 2010

It's not just my pride...

Bonjour mes amours!  I have a painful story to share with you today... painful for me, hopefully not for you.

I decided to take a field trip on my lunch break today.  I went to Oak Court mall to get my eyebrows did.  I have been wanting to try "threading" for quite some time.  I know several girls that have it done and love it.  "It feels like a slight pinch," one girl told me.  "It doesn't hurt any worse than waxing," said another.  I was hoping these bitches were right since Gracie told me it feels like getting a tattoo.  Here is my story:

I arrive at the mall right around 1:30.  Before I get out of my car, I decide to slip on a pair of flats in hopes that my trip will be a little quicker.  I get all of my shiz together - phone, keys and purse in hand, and once my second foot hits the concrete I face plant.  I'm talking my phone flies out of my hands; my keys fly under the car next to me; the contents of my purse scatter all around.  Apparently the people responsible for paving the parking lot decided to stop right where I parked.  I rolled my ankle?  Who knows.  All I know is that this only happens when I'm wearing stupid flats.  I should have taken this as a sign.  

I pick up all of my stuff, dust off my bruised legs {and ego} and make my way to BrowArt 23.  The place is empty.  No customers.  No employees. Nothing.  I sit and catch up on my twitter.  Five minutes pass, still no one.  I should have taken this as a sign.  But I'm bound and determined to do this so I wait ten minutes until the only employee finally comes in.  Homegirl doesn't apologize, she tells me to sit in the chair and assures me that it will only feel like a pinch.

She lied.  Homegirl LIED to me.  She starts doing whatever it is that she does and I immediately want to run away.  Actually, I want to punch her.  That's my initial reaction when confronted with pain - punch whatever/whomever is responsible for said discomfort.  I wish I could describe what it feels like but I can't seem to find the words.  It kind of feels like someone is slicing my eyebrow.  The pain causes my eyes to clench shut and start watering like whoa.  Homegirl keeps telling me to "relax."  What I wanted to say was, "Are you KIDDING me, bitch? I feel like I just slid down a slide full of razorblades ON MY FACE and landed in vat of lemon juice and hot sauce and you want me to RELAX?!"  Instead I just sit there and wipe the waterfall of tears away from cheeks. She finishes with the threading.  Homegirl then does the unthinkable.  She takes a cotton ball soaked in- what I imagine - could only be somewhere along the lines of pure grain alcohol and proceeds to saturate the poor eyebrows she just sliced and diced with an X-acto knife?  It's at this point that I honestly think about projectile vomiting all over the place.  In stupid her face.  On her stupid thread.  On the stupid chair.  ALL OVER.  I don't.  Homegirl finishes and hands me a mirror.  I some how manage to pry open my eyes to see that I'm not actually bleeding and that I DO, indeed, have eyebrows left.  She is standing there, looking at me with this shit eating grin.  All I could manage to say was, "Well that sucked."  And I walked away as fast as humanly possible.

Needless to say I will never, ever, ever, EVER be doing that again.  I can't imagine why anyone would do that more than once?  I know I'm a big sissy but give me a break.  This level of torture MAY be on par with water boarding.

In other news, it's Wine-sday and I WILL be celebrating.  Even if it's by myself.


Maggie said...

Sorry that your threading experience was not only one was quite comfortable and my brows looked fantastic for months after. If you ever muster up the courage to do it again, maybe try a different threader??

Caitlin said...

I know you're exact pain! The lady always looks at you like "why are you in so much pain, it's just thread." No offense to anyone reading this but, you have to go to an Indian (dot not feather) place to get them done. For some reason they make it a little less painful.

Shannon said...

I was hoping that the girls that are ALWAYS there would be there do them. They own the joint but I guess they took the day off? I may try it again. Only because I am a masochist.