Monday, September 27, 2010

Children = free labor

When I was younger, my parents had several nicknames for me.  There was Shamrock {such originality... I'm sure our Irish heritage had nothing to do with this?} and Sandy {that's a long story... short version: I was a weird fucking kid and wanted to be a dog}.  And then there was Cinderella.  This was rather fitting since I was positive that my parents had kids solely to do all of the things they didn't want to do... like clean the house from top to bottom and weed the gardens.  And pick up sticks {real life punishment, thanks Ricky poo}.  Since I was also a huge dick head in my younger years, I told them thousands of times their chores were borderline child abuse and I had every intention of calling 911.  And child services.  AND all my grandparents {note to self: threatening to call parents does not work on grownups}.  Alas, I grew up to be a somewhat well-adjusted adult... with a serious aversion to sticks, weeds and house work.

Now, don't get me wrong.  Rick and Les are two of the best parents a kid could ask for.  I can't remember a time that I ever wanted for anything {except for fucking Barbie Hot Wheels}.  And, like I said earlier, I was a gigantic asshole in my younger years.  I think that because my parents spoiled me as a child {slash they still do} AND because I was a horrid excuse for a daughter the first 23 years of my life I cannot tell them no.  Seriously.  I can't.  So when my mom called and asked me to help her get the house ready for some sort of inspection, of course I had to say yes.  I went over there this evening and there was a serious list of shiz to be done.  By when?  Oh, ya know... Wednesday.  Not gonna happen.  Ever.

My mom and I are outside putting the finishing touches on the patio when Ricky-poo comes outside.  To help, you ask?  Ha.  That's cute.  {He's been upstairs "working"/ looking up funny videos on youtube.}  After he questioned us about why we were finishing up for the evening he does a little... dance?  I'm not sure what it was but it was hilarious and it's times like these that I really need a camera crew following me around.  Next time I'll be sure to have my camera with me.

I now know a few things:
1.  I get my hoarding from my dad.  He had a baby acorn on his dresser because he said it was the smallest thing he'd ever seen.
2.  I get my genuine disdain for housework from my mother.
3.  Spider webs are gross.
4.  I have a perfect mix between my mom and dad's nose.
5.  My parents definitely only had children to do their bidding.  They are evil geniuses.  Every last one of them.

So tired.  Have a delicious week.  Sweetest dreams, my loves.

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