My balls + your face

As I've mentioned before, I think testicles are pretty much the weirdest things ever.  I guess I just don't understand them.  Sure, I know why they are useful from an anatomical standpoint but they aren't fun like boobs.  I don't think anyone has ever uttered the words, "Check out the balls on that guy..." unless they were hanging out of a pair of shorts.  Gross.  HOWEVER if I were a boy, I would definitely do funny things with them.  Like right now, I kind of wish I had a pair so I could tea bag a few people.  There are two folks at the tippy top of my list.  You two should be thanking your lucky stars that I don't have balls.

While I was anxiously awaiting Chelsea's first post-VMA show {mainly to see what she had to say about her haters} I got my Etsy-on.  Dangerous.  Here are a few of my favorites:

You can personalize this.  I'm really digging the two finger rings right now.

You can personalize this too, obvs.

Sweeter than my usual liking.

I want it in gold.  They are lungs, BTW.

This is the one I REALLY want.

Grrr.  So I guess I was expecting a little more hate from Chels after the tweet-fight between her and Perez.  I will forgive her because tonight's show was hilarious.  For instance, she said "I want to go to high schools NOW and have sex with little boys."  Yup.  Statutory rape can be funny.  And "I normally don't endorse redheads.  I don't know if you know that about me..."  Hilarious.  Why couldn't she be funny last night?  I need to slap myself.  That's enough blasphemy for today.  Or for life?

Here are a few more tweets to end your night:

sarahcolonna Taylor's song was ridiculous. If you watch with the volume down you'd think she's singing about 9/11.#getoveritwhitegirl

ihatesomuch 
I hope I don't die tonight because my last text message said "I love your cock". And that would be sort of embarrassing. cc: @ScrappyOctopus

  

That's enough rambling.  Time to watch the True Blood season finale.  Yeaaaaaaaaaah, gurl.  Please watch this video for AT LEAST long enough so you can see this man's beautiful teeth.  For reals.  I want to lick them.