If you reaaaaally knew me, you'd know that:
- I'm always on time (this does not include work, der) and I'm horribly impatient. Nothing gets under my skin more than when people are always running late. I think this comes from the fact that my dad's side of the family has never been on time for anything. Ever. In the history of O'Leary's. Having any sort of appointment / reservation and still having to wait is my own personal hell.
- I don't take myself (or anyone) else seriously. You know I'm a douche and I know I'm a douche. It's fine. You're a douche, too. Life would be so dreadfully boring if I couldn't laugh at all of the stupid things that happen to me AND to you.
- I'm a karaoke machine. After goldschlagger or rumplemintz. And I usually stick to "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio, "Shoop" by Salt n Peppa or "To Be with You" by Mr. Big.
- I get bored very easily. I change my mind about 8.234 billion times a day on any given subject. Unless we're talking about Sarah Palin. I will always hate her.
- I have the habits of a 75 year old woman. I go to the grocery store on the same day, at the same time. I love nothing more than to stay at home, watch Dateline and read my book.
- I am only really scared of a few things. Clowns, the dark, and moths. Midgets are slowly being removed from the list since TLC and every other channel seem to have an obsession.. thanks, mainstream media.
- I can't go one full weekday without facebook, perez hilton or texts from last night.
- I laugh harder at my own jokes than anyone else does.
- I can't sleep unless my books are alphabetized. I can't even really leave the house if they are out of order. I'm sure this says something bad about the inner workings of my brain but all I know is that it makes me nervous.
- Bookstores and diet coke can, almost instantly, put me in a better mood. I love everything about bookstores. And diet coke. Eve-ry-thing.
- I love words. I have a very long list of words that make me smile. Two that were added to the list today: ravenous and precocious.
- You can tell exactly how I'm feeling at any given moment by the look on my face. Seriously, I'm an open book. This is both a blessing and a curse because I can never play it cool.
- I've recently become obsessed with this app on the iphone... it makes you have a fat face. We have done it to almost everyone at work. Yesterday when I was looking ridiculously unfortunate we fat faced AND old faced me. This was the result:
1. That I smell like stale cigarettes, three day old whiskey and cat poop
2. That I am going to get the sexiest old, fat person alive.
(Either way you are 100% correct)
That's it for right now. Keldo and Christopher are in town tonight so I'm meeting them downtown. Barf. In my mouth. I hate downtown but I love these kids.
ALSO: I have to update my last post: I have one very, very, very important friend that was accidentally left out of my Nashville friends photo. This is an oldie but a goodie, Cass. And it very nearly got me kicked out of the sorority because people thought we were le-bos.
My song for you tonight is one that you almost have to be a cat woman to listen to... I think the ideal way to enjoy this jam is to be hammered on white zinfandel/white wine spritzers and smoking Virginia slims while standing on your couch in onesie pajamas with a green face mask on, singing at the top of your lungs for all of your cats to hear... oh, and maybe you're singing into a hairbrush and you are definitely dedicating this jam to all the men/women who have done you wrong. Let it out, friends. Let. It. Out.
(Side note: I am unsure as to why there are pictures of the Titanic playing... all I know is that I love it even more. I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go.)