Thursday, December 9, 2010

Peacocks and prisoners.

I had another exciting day at work.  Our system was down until around 1 so I had an excuse to read all of my news websites, celebrity gossip sites, play Angry Birds and read my favorite weekly publication:  Just Busted.

If you aren't from Memphis, or don't go into gas stations where they sell this beautiful little magazine let me explain it to you:  People from Shelby county {and 2 other ones that mean nothing to me because I have NO idea where they are - Desoto and Crittenden} get arrested.  A LOT.  They get arrested for all sorts of things - criminal trespassing, domestic assault, drugs, being drunk, being douche bags... you get the picture.  Anyway, this gem comes out on a weekly basis and is sold for $1.  Rest assured that if you are feeling bad about you life - if things aren't looking so hot - pick up one of these bitches.  If you don't laugh, smile, cringe and laugh some more then you are probably my mother.  In which case you should NOT be reading this.  In addition to that, if you can't laugh at the misfortunes of others than you definitely should not be reading this.

I don't look through all of these mug shots solely because they make me chuckle.  I skim these pages for a reunion of sorts.  I've purchased at least 20 of these things and I've known at least one person in each one.  Yikes.  Does that say something about me?  It should... It should tell you that I'm a really good judge of character.  I like to hang out with only people of sound morals and a firm grasp on reality.  I also look through these pages in hopes of finding my next boyfriend.  Joking?  You tell me...

Option #1
Pros:  He has some nice comb over bangs.  His eyes tell me he knows how to party.
Cons:  His eyes... one is looking at me while the other is the kind that follows you around everywhere.  Oh that and the assault with intent to do bodily harm.

Option #2
Pros:  He's got white teeth.  And... he's an, um, entrepreneur?
Cons:  It looks as if he does more yayo than Rick James and Charlie Murphy put together.

Option #3
Pros:  He looks like Jesus.
Cons:  He looks like Jesus... on meth.

I guess I'll keep up my weekly hunt for my Prince Charming.


Now I need to tell you about something serious.  I want a peacock.  A pet peacock.  Slash I want a friend to get one so I can go hang out with it.  Better yet, I would really like it if a neighbor of mine got one so I could be completely devoid of all responsibility.  {Quick aside: I'm very glad that none of my friends would get one.  I don't know that I want to be friends with anyone who is a bird person.  They tend to be fucking lunatics that have a taste for abusing illegal substances.  Know the first person that pops into my mind?  HINT:  It starts with "H" and ends with "eidi Fleiss."}  Taylor and I googled this {it was a very long morning}.  While he was convinced that he would kill and grill this beautiful creature, I just want to look at it.

Ok.  Happy almost Friday.  I'm giving you some more GP tonight.  Love it.  Know what else I love?  This video was filmed at Sundown in the City up in the 865.  Knoxville, I miss your stank ass.

3 comments:

Alethea Noble said...

I was introduced to Just Busted when I moved to Memphis and life has never been the same lol Also, if you or somebody you know gets a peacock I will totally be jealous! Good luck finding your prince...

Tara said...

My friend's family had a peacock on their farm for a short while while we were growing up. It didn't last long because, while beautiful and equipped with the coolest tail in the animal kingdom, they are also territorial and vicious.

Elle said...

OMFG! I LOVE this Just Busted that you speak of. Was laughing so hard at your comments on those mugshots. Wish they did something like that here in the UK though.