Friday, December 17, 2010

dun dun duuuuun.

This may be my last post ever.

Before you freak out and wonder how your life will go on, let me tell you I have no plans on stopping  but if I blow my arms off and/or burn my house down after this weekend it will be a little hard to continue.

I've decided to bake this weekend.  I've decided that my cooking skills are to be put on hold while I attempt to join the ranks of holiday bakers world wide.  I'm going to be making sugar cookies decorated with royal icing.  From scratch.  All of it.  Alton Brown listed these recipes as "easy" and if he lied he may or may not be getting a strongly worded letter.  {Again, this all depends on whether or not I blow my arms off.}

I be-bopped across the street to Bed, Bath and Beyond for a hand mixer.  There were about a thousand.  I chose the cheapest one because, amongst other things, I have a sneaking suspicion that this contraption will be used this weekend and this weekend only.  I also bought a sifter.  It's fucking adorable and I kind of felt Amish while I was testing it in line.  I have no idea why I felt this way.  I also got a strong urge to churn butter.  One step at a time, Shannon, one step at a time.  After work, I went to Kroger and headed straight to the baking isle.  It was a foreign land to me.  A few things I learned:
1.  Baking powder and baking soda are NOT the same.
2.  There are a lot of different choices.  For everything.  Flour and sugar included.
3.  While my mom enjoys helping me make the distinction between all these items, I think she likes making fun of me at the same time.

While I type this post and when I'm cleaning my kitchen to prepare it for the onslaught of yumminess that will be taking place in a matter of hours, I decided to watch the foodnetwork to get in the mood.  Mistake.  Rachel Ray is on.  She's really annoying.  R - squared has a tendency to do the Ann Curry whisper/raspy voice that I'm not too fond of.  Plus she says really stupid shit.  Like this stuff is so stupid that I will judge the hell out of you if you even crack a smile at her jokes.  Example:  RR threw some salt over her shoulder for luck and said:  "Why does pepper never get thrown over your shoulder.  Poor pepper, I bet he feels left out."  You, sir, are an idiot.

Time to focus.  And decorate for Christmas.  And do Christmas cards.  Yes, it's December 17th and I haven't started any of this.  OR Christmas shopping.  Something tells me I will regret this decision tomorrow.  Stay tuned for pictures.  Don't worry, I have 911 on speed dial.  Hopefully, if things DO take a turn for the worst, some of these fellas will come to my rescue.


Alethea Noble said...

Best of luck on your baking endeavors. I hope it all goes smoothy for you. btw I have a sneaking suspicion that firefighters in Memphis don't looked those hotties...

Shannon said...

I know. What a sad world we live in... where the firefighters look nothing like delicious hunks of meat - instead they look like they frequent donut shops and don't bathe.

kLl said...

A few thoughts:

While making pancakes on Monday (snow day!) I told Michael I want a sifter and suggested I would call his mom and tell her because she is looking for Christmas gifts. I immediately realized I can't ask for kitchen stuff for Christmas although that's all I want because I'M ABOUT TO REGISTER FOR IT ALL! Totally weirded out.

Another thought, grabbed the first pancake recipe I found and started baking but kept thinking it was too thin. Checked again, it called for self-rising flour and all I had was all purpose. Had to start over with a new recipe that include baking powder to make them rise.