Thursday, November 11, 2010

Captain Ron IS America.


Also, happy veterans day.  I'm so proud to be an American it's almost disgusting.  I'd wear a red, white and blue fanny pack with an American eagle perched on the shoulder of my American flag black t-shirt on top of my camo pants if I had them.  Unfortunately, I don't have any of these items.  {Note to self: invest in these gems before the 4th of July.}

I wish I could tell you that I've done something productive with my day off but I have the attention span of a small child.  Or a fly.  Take your pick.  I went and had a delicious lunch at Holiday Ham with my wonderful mother.  I then came home and pretended to clean.  Pretending to clean takes a lot out of a person.  I had to try to fix my speakers so I could have a dance/clean party but it seems they are to be added to my fallen soldier list from last weekend.  Gracie came over with the two little girls she picks up from school and I got to play "Try to get me" / tag with one of my favorite kids ever - Gracie and I have given her the nickname of Poofer Fries McNugget.  She doesn't like it but she also doesn't have a choice.  Poofer can count to ten in Russian.  I know, impressive.  I struggle with counting in English.

I finally found my camera chord.  It was in my overnight bag.  Proof positive that I need to get out of town more often.  Anyway, here are the pictures I have promised you.

My yummy brunch for my family

Mom made me take the spatula off for a legit pic
Aren't they just the cutest things you ever did see?
I may know how to cook but jello shots are my specialty

Proof jello shots are my thing
I don't know if you can see this BUT she's wearing a mustache.
I'm so excited that it's almost the weekend I can hardly stand it.  I've decided to make a trip up to my second favorite city in the grand ol' state of Tennessee: Nashville.  I made this decision yesterday... so clearly it's been planned for quite some time.  I am in desperate need of a getaway.  I'm going to be staying with Nashville and only horrible awesome things can happen.  Or so I thought before she informed me that jello shots were going to be involved.  It may be about two or three weeks too soon alas, these are the struggles I must endure.

I have something to share with you.  I have, apparently, acquired a boyfriend - completely unbeknownst to me.  I know you must be thinking, "Wow, Shannon has mad game!"  And you - dear readers - are sadly mistaken.  My new boyfriend is Captain Ron.  Would you like to know some more about this elusive one eyed character?  I thought so...

The Down-low on Captain Ron
  • His birth name is Michael.  Crazy talk, I tell you.  He is a Ron if I've ever met one.  {He will heretofore be referred to as "Boyfriend" because my neighbors are assholes.}
  • Boyfriend will let you me call him "girl" or "girlfriend" without even blinking an eye.  It's like he was born for these absurd terms.
  • Boyfriend loves to try to pawn off stray dogs on you.  He will even try to bring them in your house - even after you ask him not to.
  • Boyfriend likes to speak in pirate voice.  This is quite fitting since he wears an eye patch, don't ya think?
  • Boyfriend has been through quite a bit in his life.  He will tell you all about these stories except for the ONE story everyone needs to know about.
  • Boyfriend will not talk about why he wears an eye patch.  This.  Is.  Devestating.
  • Boyfriend's job status is unknown.
  • While Boyfriend's job status is unknown, he is willing to make you ham.  Proof:

I don't know what he's talking about with the Swine Island Dance Hall but something tells me this love bucket is not playing with a full team upstairs.

I hope all of you have a b-e-a-uuuu-tiful weekend.  I'ma let Lee Greenwood take it home.  America, fuck yeah.

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