Hulkamania, brother.

I love manly men.  Southern manly men, to be exact.  {I don't think that there is anything manly about a man with overly plucked eyes brows and spray tans.}  I like to look at them.  I sometimes like to talk to them.  I like the way their little brains work {girls don't poo, really? who came up with this?}.  I like it they get horribly grossed out when I burp {sorry, father... I will never stop}.  I like it that they don't always smell nice.  I will always enjoy their vast knowledge on all things sports, beer, man things.  I like it when they like to go fishing and shoot guns and build man things with their man hands.  I. Love. Manly. Men.  I also am obsessed with gay men.  Like the gayer the better.  That being said there is a lot in the middle that I don't understand... the heterosexual men that insist upon sporting the murse, for instance.

The murse is a man purse.  Who invented this monstrosity? No one in America, that's for sure.  And they weren't intended for straight men.  They just weren't.  Gay men can wear them but gay men can get away with lots of things straight men can't.  It's ok.  You were born that way.  There are tons of different styles which blows my mind.  Most men who carry these things like to call them satchels or European something or others.  I have a two questions for you purse wearing fellas:

• What about the across the body bag you're wearing screams, "I'm a man?" Nothing. The answer is nothing.
• WHAT do you need to carry around so badly that won't fit in your pockets?  Would you like to know what I carry in my purse? Lipgloss, altoids, my wallet and tampons.  For my pa-chatch.  Do you carry around tampons?  Or are you more of a pad kinda guy?  Do you experience heavy flow?  You look like you have a wide set vagina.

Let it be known that my daddy-o, one of the manliest men that I know, has sported a fanny pack once or twice.  Now, he hasn't done this since I've been able to speak because I mocked him incessantly whenever he mentions bringing it back out.  His argument?  Hulk Hogan wears one.  Not ok, Rick.  Not ok.

In conclusion:  murses are gay.  As in, to only be worn by gay men.